So there it was. It was finally the last few moments I had been dreading for the past week. We sat there in his car. As he drove he found a song to pick the mood. The song he chose was the one I had been listening to on repeat for the past few days. “This is the saddest song ever,” he said, and I shook my head yes to agree. I listened to the lyrics carefully as ever…

“Hey sweetie, I need you here tonight. And I know that you don’t wanna be leaving me…”

He broke my concentration; “You can cry if you want to. It’s okay,” he told me in comfort.
“No, no. I’m okay. I won’t cry in front of you.”
“I’ll cry too if you want--”
“Go ahead. I’m not going to cry in front of you though.”
He began to fake sob. I patted his leg. As I gave him a pat, he took one of his hands off the wheel and intertwined it in mine.
“Don’t let me get us into an accident because your hand is occupied,” I told him. “It’s perfectly fine. I can drive like this.” I’m glad he said this, because I really didn’t want to let go of him.

I stared out the window trying to hold back my tears. I listened to the lyrics again…

“I swear I’ll never be happy again, and don’t you dare say we can just be friends…”

Knowing that this man I was completely smitten for, completely head over feet in love with was moving to the other side of the country - it broke my heart every time I even thought about it. “It’s just a six hour plane ride away,” or “you’ll see me in August… maybe.” These were reassuring things he kept telling me.

What was I going to do? I had spent everyday for the past ten days with him. He was not only my source of entertainment, but my source of happiness as well.

I glanced down at my phone. Five missed calls. Two new voicemails. I didn’t even care that it was ten thirty on a  Monday evening when I had school the next morning. I didn’t even care that my family was worrying about me and where I was. I just wanted to freeze time and stay holding his hand forever.

I had done so much pondering I didn’t even realize he was turning down my street. That meant it was almost over. Everything I worked my ass off to build for the past ten days was almost over. No more talking. No more play fighting. No more movies. No more car rides just like this one. No more him.

The night was black as ever, and only the beam coming from his headlights lit up enough just to see each other clearly.

I put my bags down on my lawn and stood in front of his car like a silhouette. He was walking slowly towards me, taking his time on purpose it seemed like. He immediately took me into his arms and I buried my face into his shoulder. I loved the way he smelt. It was indescribable, but I did love it. I now had to treasure it within the sweatshirt he had given me earlier that day. He told me to keep it once I tried it on. He told me to never take it off.

I felt a wellness of tears coming on, like I was about to explode. I stared up at his bright, hazel-green eyes. He stared into mine too and told me, “I am really going to miss you. Really.” I didn’t know what else to do but to bury myself again in his arms, just in case there was a river about to flow out of my eyes.

I found the strength to look up again and I forced on a smile. There was usually many reasons to smile, but now there wasn’t any. This man who was so beautiful in his own way, this man who literally made me go weak… this man was leaving me and it was certainly no smiling matter.

“You won’t cry,” he said as he continued to kiss my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, and my lips. “You won’t cry tonight. I’m telling you.” I giggled and replied with “Whatever you say.” He kissed me and said “I have to go now, and you need to go to bed and get some sleep.” He was always concerned about me getting to bed at a decent hour. I realized time had actually flown by. We had been standing there for a good twenty minutes if not more.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to prove him wrong. Unfortunately my instincts told me I’d look like a blubbering fool. So instead, I kiss him. I kissed him hard, fighting back my heart that wanted to leap out of my throat.

“Goodbye,” he said lastly.

I couldn’t even watch him drive away. I grabbed my bags off the lawn and bolted for the front door. I didn’t get one whole foot inside before, what seemed like, a hurricane had swept me up into an abyss of sadness and heartbreak. I couldn’t help but ask myself why. Why when I’m finally happy does someone or something have to ruin it? Why does he have to leave? Why?

And as I went upstairs to get clean, I stripped down and stared at the reflection of the body a man had adored for once. I slid into the shower and sat on the bottom of the tub. I curled my legs into my arms. And as I let the hot water splash off my running makeup, I started singing in between each whimper…

“If you can wait ‘til I get home, then I swear we can make this last. Now everybody’s singing la, la la la, la la la…”